Candid Cerebrations

This post has been ready for almost a week now but I’ve been holding off because I’ve been wanting to insert photos. But it’s been a struggle for me to motivate myself to make time to find some of them and plug them in and now my computer is misbehaving (it will need to be replaced) so I’m just going to post without them. Sorry! If you really want a photo update of my life you can always look at my IG.

Oh boy, were the holidays and January a whirlwind! February also flew by even with the extra day (happy leap year!). I feel like everything now is finally starting to settle down. I left off my last Where I am at these days… with discussion of leaving my postdoc before I had my next job lined up although I was interviewing. I mentioned in my NYE post I was taking a scientific editing role. Well I can now officially say I’m a cross-journal editor for BMC Biology and BMC Immunology which are part of the Springer Nature Group. I officially started on January 30th. But before I talk about my new job, which I truly love, let’s back up and start where I left off.

If you recall, I had that awkward talk with my boss on December 12th where I basically agreed to being unemployed. To say that rattled me was an understatement but I rallied. And I rallied hard because my final interview for BMC was December 14th and the visiting professorship the 15th and I was offered both positions.

The Visiting Assistant Professorship was at Bryn Mawr College. It’s funny, before my interviews I thought I would take this position 100%. I had always dreamed of being a college professor. I mean I guess I already am one, but it’s different when you’re part-time. And that’s the problem. I love teaching, but the idea of doing it full-time, year after year, as the main gig stressed me out. There was no doubt it would burn me out. The pay and instability doesn’t help with that. Not to mention, I don’t think I could show up for my students the way I want to, the way I try my best to do now, if I had more than 24 of them a semester. I’m already struggling a bit this semester. Regardless, the in-person interview was a great experience – honestly a dream come true! Everyone was so kind and truly fun to talk to. Although the two going on sabbatical, the reasons there was a need for a visiting prof, aided in my validation that teaching full-time is prone to burn out. I even had a lot of fun giving my sample lecture titled “From Mendel to Molecules: Exploring Heredity” where I picked on the one student in attendance. She was a good sport! The objective was to showcase my teaching and my students will tell you that I do pick on them in class. The following Monday I was informally offered the position. That Tuesday, December 19th I was sent an official offer letter with a deadline to accept by January 3rd. Any my first reaction was gosh I really hope I hear back from BMC soon because I’d rather have that position After my interview with them, I just knew this was what I wanted for my career – I was so excited about the prospects of being an editor. I literally left the interview vibrating. It was wild. They felt like people I wanted to work with, tasks I wanted to do, still heavily involved with academia, and it just felt right!

Also that Tuesday, my boss called me into his office. Actually he asked if I had 5 minutes when I was busy zooming around trying to finish up a part of my data analysis for my Friday’s lab meeting. I said not really but he insisted. He asked if I got the job [visiting prof], I said yes, then told me he wanted me out ASAP, he was disappointed in me, he regretted hiring me, and his obligation to me was over now that he got me the job at Bryn Mawr. I simply said okay after each statement he made, which I think annoyed him the most, and then asked if I could go back to work. Also the idea that he got me the teaching position is laughable because no he didn’t. And how did he expect me to take a job with an August start date and nothing in between? I then went to my next meeting and told my other boss that my timeline was now ASAP – he was not happy. But before I left that day, a professor in another lab approached me to offer me a spot as a temporary postdoc in their lab to cover the gap before August which I appreciated but turned down because honestly I did not want to be a postdoc anymore. I did not want to be at TJU anymore. I was done. And I was willing to go back to the job I did at 16 and work at Target if need be. Although I am very thankful that was not the case because my bill situation is much different than it was at 16.

That Friday I had to give my lab meeting which felt like a bad joke because it was so pointless. It was bizarre and felt performative, where we all ignored the elephant in the room, my upcoming departure. I mentioned once again that I couldn’t really do the image analysis as I didn’t have the proper equipment – this was discussed at my last meeting in late October where the solution was going to be getting the right computer. It never happened. And I was not informed when they decided to nix going that direction until I asked where it was. Well my co-PI now had a new microscope analysis station and I was told I could do the analysis on that. I was also told maybe I should go back to imaging experiments in cells, something I got push back for this summer. I was given a laundry list of what to do next. I left the meeting wondering if they actually thought I’d do any of that now that I was told to leave ASAP? Not to mention it was holiday time. I literally asked my labmate, Steve as we walked out if he thought I was actually expected to do any of that. He said no. And I didn’t.

I spent Christmas with my cousins. It was great seeing them, especially the kids. I have missed spending time with them! I used to do Thanksgiving and Easter with them when I was in Manhattan and they were in Tarrytown. I managed a few other times while in grad school. But then with the pandemic, dissertation and life that kind of fell off.

I also took most of the week between Christmas and New Year’s off because the bosses were out; not to mention I learned I wouldn’t get paid out my paid time off when leaving my position. I did go in on the 27th but then I saw I had an email to speak with Springer Nature HR the next day. Well I that phone call was to offer me my editor job then so I opted to not go in. Friday, I drove down to DC to spend New Year’s with Raj. It was supposed to be just for the weekend but he convinced me to stay longer so it turned into almost a week. He had a good point about what would I be doing in lab that was worthwhile when I was leaving so soon. Not to mention he did not like how my boss spoke to me and didn’t even want me to go back at all. We went up the Washington Monument, we went to the Hishhorn Art and the Air and Space Museums, we saw my grandpa’s grave at Arlington National Cemetery, we hiked Mount Sugarloaf and stopped at the winery, we ate and we lounged. It was great! Also while I was in DC, I saw my cousin Angela who was passing through and my old professor Dr. Talmage at the NIH. And I got my dream NIH sweatshirt!

I stopped in to lab on my way back from DC Thursday, January 4th just to put in my two weeks notice. Friday, my boss told everyone at lab meeting about how I would go to Bryn Mawr and be excellent… I spoke to everyone individually except him letting them know I was actually going to BMC as an editor. Everyone was genuinely excited for me which felt nice! I then spent the next week in lab basically just organizing and cleaning. My final week, I stayed home for MLK day. Tuesday, I did my last animal experiment. Wednesday, I trained someone in on handling my rat colony. Thursday, my boss threw me a work lunch to celebrate my new job… The funny thing about that is when he asked if I’d like a lunch and I said no. He told me he would only have one for me if I wanted one and I said no thanks. I actually said no three times but he insisted. It was actually nice and I even managed to genuinely thank him for it. Friday January 19th, my last day, was a snow day but I guess that only counts for the professors because the rest of us were in. At Friday’s lab meeting, which was on zoom, my boss brought up at the end how maybe I could help them set up this undergrad research program they wanted and get them students from Bryn Mawr… I wonder if he still thinks I’ll be going there? I wonder why he thinks I would ever help him after the way he has spoken to me? I then culled my rat colony, had a boozy lunch with Steve, packed my desk and then went out and got absolutely plastered with the grad students. It was a great last day!

Saturday, I went to a friend’s party in NYC and Sunday I met up with Margaret to go to the Tenement museum. Monday, my first class of the semester started. And then I went on a grad school reunion tour of the Northeast while I had a week between jobs. I stopped by Stony Brook to say hi to MiaoMiao before she moves to Cali (she just defended) and have lunch with Eunice. I went up to Boston to see Gabby and Jess (not pictured because they took the pictures so they are somewhere that would take more effort than I’m willing to put in to track down). I also visited the Harvard Natural History Museum while I was there – I am not typically a natural history museum girlie but that is now on my list of favorite museums! I stopped down in New Haven to see Noele, Harry and Saul. The Yale University Art Gallery was fantastic too (whatever you do don’t confuse this with their Center for British Art which is not as fantastic). I also popped into the Rhode Island School of Design in between since it was literally on the way. I really enjoyed that space too.

Then I started my new position January 30th. I am mostly working from home and will be based in the Philadelphia office. But I have been commuting up once a week to the Manhattan office just to have more visibility and meet some colleagues face to face. The view is amazing! Not to mention, I’ve been using it as an excuse to meet up with my NYC friends for dinners and I even attended my old writing group.

I am loving my new position and new life. It truly feels like a new life. While I have no complaints, literally 0 complaints, it is taking me time to acclimate. The paycheck is bigger, my free time is more abundant. In fact, I’m not sure what to do with my free time. Jk! That’s not true at all. But I am getting used to having this much free time. And don’t get me wrong, I feel like I did a decent job carving out my work-life balance previously and I didn’t typically feel guilty taking time for myself. But this comes with easier compartmentalization which is funny since I mostly work from home so spatially there is very little compartmentalization.

Anyway, I am looking forward to spending my freedom doing more of the things I love – cooking, reading and going to book club, writing and attending my writing group yoga, reading and/or writing at coffee shops while eating delicious pastries, running, hiking, being outside, looking at art, exploring!

Candid Cerebrations

a personal blog publicly pondering my life

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Where I am at these days…

Goals for 2024