TGIF/Where I am at these days…

It’s not so much a TGIF for me as much as it is a where has this week gone?!

My allergies have been horrendous this week… I ran and hiked outside early on this week. And I was passing out by like 8/9 because of exhaustion and I couldn’t figure out why. Then Wednesday I noticed my car coated with tree pollen and I’m like wow, you idiot you’ve only been suffering from spring allergies for decades but still seem surprised every spring?! To be fair, I start taking my allergy meds in March to stay on top of it or else there is no catching up. But since they seem to be hitting extra hard I’ve upped my meds and have been avoiding the outside and I seem to be feeling a little bit better but I’m still fairly low energy.

I threw my May 2nd deadline out the window. It just wasn’t doable. There are other cycles I can submit it to in the future so I will get back to it eventually when it fits into my schedule better. I just didn’t have the energy (re: allergies) and I had to prioritize my research during the day and I don’t even feel like I accomplished much there this week either.

Actually, I am still in lab and will be here until midnight. I wanted to use the same equipment my boss was using earlier so I took the late shift on it. And I made it worse because I was running a gel for an hour and a half only to notice it wasn’t properly plugged in after an hour and a half… *facepalm

The worst is I have to be in by 8am tomorrow to finish an experiment so I can get to my partner’s place by 6pm in the city because they are cooking me dinner. I cannot tell you how excited I am to see them! Our mushiness for each other is actually quite disgusting so I’ll spare you.

I received exciting news in my inbox tonight. I was awarded a $5000 from an internal critical research fund! That means I can do the RNAseq experiment I’ve had my heart set on. Yay!

Also this week, GWISE selected their new executive board so I’m finally being relieved of my position as President. I’m thrilled because that is one less thing on my plate. And next week, I have the the capstone event with my high school WISE ladies and then I’m officially done with that. Next week, I also have my last class for the faculty preparedness course I’ve been taking all semester. And by the end of the summer, I will also be done with my Graduate School Organization senator role.

I really just want to focus on research. I would like to have majority of my data collection completed by the end of the summer so that I can get my paper submitted in the fall. That is my ideal timeline. We will see if that will be a realistic timeline as time goes on.

I got my crossover injection last Friday and I felt nothing. Nothing! No temperature spike, no fatigue, not even tenderness at the site of the injection like I did with my first round back in January. That has me heavily speculating that this round it was the placebo. But that’s just speculation. I get my second crossover May 14th so after that I can officially and appropriately claim to be fully vaccinated. But even when I am I don’t really plan on doing anything different – will be wearing my mask, no indoor dining, still mostly avoiding people.

Next week, I am going home to see my family. I am nervous about traveling because of the whole RAGING PANDEMIC that people have seem to forgotten about. And I’m not totally sure if I’ve been fully vaccinated. But I haven’t been back to Minnesota since April 2019 and haven’t seen my sister since then, I haven’t seen my dad since June 2019, and I only briefly saw my mother in June 2020 for her sister’s funeral. So I’d like to be home for his 65th birthday and Mother’s day. My family is all vaccinated, I will get tested extra (I already get tested once a week as is), and I will wear my N95 well fitted with a surgical mask over it and not remove it once in the airport – I’m just going to be hella thirsty but gotta do what you gotta do. I am both excited and nervous – I have no idea how Minnesotans are with the pandemic. Out here in New York, we wear our masks outside! I have no idea what kind of activities my family will want me to do. But whatever, I will get to see and hug my family so that’s all that matters. It’s already been too long and I am worried if I wait to long things will get bad again.

Speaking of bad, my heart goes out to everyone in India. I want to rant about inequities and privilege but really I have no words. But I have friends who have family there, some who have lost family there, and it’s just really fucking sad and scary!

I have no links for you this week. Just be kind to yourselves and hug your loved ones if you can.

Oh and thank you for the likes for my poem I shared on Monday. I was nervous sharing an unfinished piece but it was nice to get some likes. πŸ™‚

Unfinished and Untitled

I shared a poem that I recently wrote with my writing group last night. It is unfinished but I have the major backbone down, I want to flush out more details through out it and fix some continuity issues. My writing group is lovely and I really appreciate them giving me a space to be vulnerable but also to help me workshop my piece to be what I really want it to be. While it isn’t there yet, I do like how it is in it’s early form and would like to remember where it started so I will share it with you how it is as of right now, unedited and unworkshopped.

Untitled

I lay there huddled on the floor
weeping into a puddle

You hover above me
yelling at me to get up
rolling your eyes
telling me to quit being so damn emotional

And then he arrives
And he lays on the floor with me
He encircles me in his arms
And he cries
Our tears mixing
Until our puddle becomes a lake

A lake that is ours
And together we build a raft
And we float to calmer waters

We build a boat
to withstand the harsher storms

And we explore the distant shores

Together we build a home

And yes, my current partner did inspire me to write this poem back in February. But it’s not necessarily about them. But maybe it will be. πŸ˜‰ It is about healing from my past abuses and letting go of someone who isn’t right for me, and finding someone who accepts me as me as I am and our growth together. But I do have to give my current partner credit because they definitely helped give me renewed faith and hope when it comes to relationships. And being in a good space which I am these days, allows me to reflect back and work through my experiences in a productive manner. It is not without pain but it is without wallowing in a dark place. It’s not easy but it is therapeutic. And overall it feels good to get this out on paper. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.