Hilarious! I started this draft on back on November 7th thinking I’d actually be posting again on time… Not that the timeline matters since it’s an arbitrary self-set deadline for my personal blog. But super interesting to see where I left off because I kind of forgot… These last two months have been a blur. So picking up from the last update (re: this post).
Well… I did not go hiking. The weather did not cooperate. I did, however, go to my lovely restorative yoga class and then I went on a date to City Winery. I have been seeing this guy a lot. Well that didn’t last! He ghosted me as when I came back from Thanksgiving after me pushing back to him trying to make me a booty call. He asked me to come over at 10/11pm after he was done hosting a football watch party. Like what? I had initially been invited to that party… At least I thought. It was in my calendar. And I had met his friends at a Halloween party. And he had asked me if I would go to his work Christmas party. Mixed messages much? And I would have been okay being uninvited but communicate that. I wasn’t super bummed it ended since I didn’t see long term compatibility but I was enjoying our time together. But it’s all good and I didn’t let it get me down. Okay, that’s a lie. I was pissed for three days and vented to everyone I saw and appreciated them telling me he was an asshole. I mostly just very angry of how disrespectful his behavior was, ghosting after a date or three is fine. But we were regularly seeing each other multiple times a week, sleeping together, and texting daily. At least respond to end it. But I have since moved on. It really only took three days. And I have been on some very lovely dates with some lovely people that I will see again in the near future.
November 11th ended up being my last shift at the farmer’s market for the season. I was supposed to work that Sunday too but it ended up being canceled so I never go the change to ask my muffin man crush out. Oh well. I have been enjoying the break. I had been feeling pretty burnt out from doing too much. So having weekends back has been nice although they have been very jammed packed with social events so it’s been both refilling and exhausting. Sorry, can’t think of a better word than refilling right now – feel free to suggest a better term.
As for running the half marathon. Nope, didn’t happen. I did go on a really nice 10k at the beginning of November. Gorgeous day for a run along the Schuylkill and I felt good – managed ~9:30 pace. It did make me realize I really, really miss running. But it also made me realize I wanted to keep missing running and running a half undertrained would more likely burn me out (and hurt me) rather than motivate me to keep up the sport. So while I haven’t been running since then, I am confident I will be back to it sooner than later.
My cousin’s wife did run the half though so I got to spend the afternoon with their family which was really, really nice. I’m actually going to spend Christmas with them too. I also went home to Minnesota to spend Thanksgiving with my sister. It was just her and I which was perfect – no stress and we cooked a whole feast. It was my first time back in two years and I realize I really want more freedom in my life for my loved ones than academia provides – both because of time and money. More on that at the end.
Oh I almost forgot about this but it’s here from the original draft. Spoke to my ex. It was heartbreaking. As it always was with him. I have no anger or hatred towards him. Only love. But I am also choosing not to forgive him. And I told him that. We did spend some time catching up, it was really nice to hear about everything especially how his family was doing since they were a big part of my life. But the this is nice didn’t last because a few weeks after the nice catch up he was a jerk again so I am done ever talking to him. Deleted, blocked, and forgotten which is unfortunate but not all on me.
Oh and I mentioned I was job hunting. I have a few promising avenues right now including two final interviews this week which I really should be prepping for but I am trying to just sort my whole brain out first and writing this post helps (or at least that’s the excuse I make for using it as a tool of procrastination). One of those final interviews is with a local college for a visiting professor job so I had to take off Friday for the sample lecture and interview. Well when I asked my boss for the day off yesterday, which should not have been a shock since he wrote me a letter for the position, he came across very hostile. He told me that I really needed to step it up and deliver more if he was going to “allow me to leave” in August. He also said a lot of other inappropriate, unnecessary, untrue and disparaging things including how disappointed he is in me because you know, that’s always the way to go to motivate people. And then he made a veiled threat about how if I couldn’t do *all of this* and by this I mean his unreasonable expectations (like a full publication LOL) then maybe we should discuss us parting ways sooner. My response, instead of what I think he expected which was me dedicating the next 8 months busting my ass for him nights and weekends was to say actually maybe you’re right and then we decided that I will be done being his postdoc as of March. And I have never felt so relieved. Although I will feel better when I have a job offer in hand soon so I probably should get to that prep work now.
Sorry I’m too tired to insert photos so I hope you just enjoy this block of text.
Candid Cerebrations 